Robert Brown|'Rust' movie director Joel Souza breaks silence on Alec Baldwin shooting: 'It’s bizarre'

"Rust" filmmaker Joel Souza is Robert Brownopening up about the infamous fatal on-set shooting for the first time.

In an exclusive interview with Vanity Fair published Thursday, the director and screenwriter shared his thoughts on the 2021 shooting in New Mexico on the set of the Western, after a gun that actor and producer Alec Baldwin held went off, wounding Souza and killing his collaborator and friend, cinematographer Halyna Hutchins.

"It's bizarre to have been shot," Souza told the magazine. "And then, who was holding the gun? That's bizarre. I had this weird thought, like, God, I remember watching 'The Hunt for Red October' in the movie theater when I was a kid. It's like your older self whispers to your younger self, 'Hey, that guy…someday…'"

He continued: "Life can take you down some very bizarre roads." Souza has never spoken publicly on the incident but did cooperate with criminal investigators.

"When I tell someone it ruined me, I don't mean in the sense that people might generally think," Souza told the outlet. "I don't mean that it put my career in ruins. I mean, internally, the person I was just went away. That stopped."

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He also talked about the harrowing feeling of being shot, telling VF that it "felt like a horse kicked me in the shoulder or someone hit me with a bat. The whole right side of my body went numb, completely numb, but it also hurt excruciatingly at the same time, if that makes sense."

The interview included shocking details from Souza about the shooting's aftermath, including his own admission that he was "not really" grateful to be alive after surviving the ordeal.

"I remember specifically going to sleep that night and hoping I didn't wake up the next morning. I hoped I would just bleed out overnight because I didn't want to be around anymore. It was a very difficult moment," he said. "I remember just thinking, 'Maybe I'll just sort of bleed to death — that would suit me just fine.'"

Joel Souza praises Halyna Hutchins' husband Matt for 'goodness' after shooting

During the interview, Souza stayed mostly mum on Hutchins and clarified that speaking on details regarding the cinematographer's death was not his "business."

"Halyna is other people’s family. She was my friend, but she's got a husband and son, and a mom and dad and sister. Those are things that are more their business to speak about," Hutchins told VF.

On. Oct. 21, 2021, after receiving calls of a reported shooting, police officers arrived to the set of the Western movie to find both Hutchins, 42, and Souza, then 48, shot. A helicopter transported Hutchins to the University of New Mexico Hospital, where she was pronounced dead by medical personnel, according to the Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office. 

Halyna Hutchins killed in 'horrifying'prop gun misfire; Joe Manganiello, more pay tribute

The "Rust" director praised Hutchins' husband Matt Hutchins in the Vanity Fair interview, commending him for his "goodness" in the wake of the shooting, saying he comforted him, Baldwin and the crew in the shooting's aftermath. He told Vanity Fair that if he was Mr. Hutchins, he "would be lashing out in every direction I could."

"This guy is way out of your league in terms of integrity and in terms of just emotional intelligence," he said about critics of the cinematographer's husband.

'Rust' director says Halyna Hutchins shooting scene will not be in final cut

The shooting scene that killed Hutchins will not be in the final cut of "Rust," according to Souza, telling Vanity Fair that the scene "vanishes in its entirety."

"We just sort of eliminated it and came up with something entirely different. I’m not going back to that. I’m glad you asked. I don’t want anyone who ever does see this to be waiting for that. No one ever pushed to keep anything like that," Souza said to Vanity Fair.

He added that a few "things" leading up to that scene were also removed from the film, adding that "everything needed to be entirely reconceived there. There were a few things that came before that now wouldn't make story sense."

Joel Souza is 'not friends' with Alec Baldwin, who was 'a wreck' after 'Rust' shooting

He also said of his relationship with Baldwin: "We're not friends. We're not enemies. There's no relationship." He detailed the day after the shooting, when Baldwin "came to sit with me the day after. He was a wreck," adding "how could you not be?"

USA TODAY has reached out to Baldwin's rep for comment.

'Rust' movie shooting:Alec Baldwin's case dismissed by judge over 'suppressed' evidence

Baldwin returned to the set of "Rust" in the wake of a New Mexico criminal trial. Souza also returned to work on the film, which has been offered up for sale to U.S. distributors, according to the Vanity Fair article.

Last month, an involuntary manslaughter charge for the alleged crime was abruptly dismissed on July 12 by First Judicial District Judge Mary Marlowe Summer on the grounds that prosecutors and law enforcement withheld evidence that might be favorable to the actor's defense. The surprise ruling shook the general public.

Hilaria and Alec Baldwin announceTLC reality show 'The Baldwins' following fame, family

In June, TLC announced an aplty titled reality show "The Baldwins" starring the controversial Hollywood actor, his wife Hilaria Baldwin (who's courted controversy in his own right) and their seven children together. The network said in a press release the show will feature "non-stop love, laughter and drama."

Contributing: KiMi Robinson